So it’s an election year and the traditional political trash talking is in full effect. So we came up with a vacation guide for each political party so they can give those mud slinging arms some much needed ‘R&R’
Republicans –> Switzerland
Why: Switzerland is a country that features the 3 Republican B’s; blondes, bank accounts and bullets. It might surprise you, but Switzerland has one the highest gun ownership per capita rates in the world. No true-blooded Republican can deny his passion for hot blonds, offshore accounts and the NRA. C’mon! When was the last time you saw a Republican at a podium without a probably-was-hot-when-she-was-younger blonde by his side?
Where NOT to Go: France. Republicans don’t speak foreign languages and the French don’t speak English. Plus, the French are not likely to consider Evangelicals as rational thinking human beings.
Democrats –>The Netherlands
Why: Pot is legal, prostitution is legal, and healthcare is universal. Isn’t that all the leftists ever wanted in a society? The Netherlands is the perfect democratic vacation. You can live out your every fantasy and have the government and taxpayers foot the tab when you land in the hospital for reasons you can’t recall.
Where NOT to Go: Somalia. The country has lacked a central government for years. And that’s enough to make any Democrat nervous.
Green Party–>Costa Rica
Why: If green happens to be your favorite color and political party, then Costa Rica is for you. More than half of the country’s territory is covered in trees, there hasn’t been a standing army in over 60 years, they pledge to be carbon neutral by 2021 and the president is female. Costa Rica is heaven for the peace lovers and tree huggers.
Where NOT to go: China. Green Party lungs are not able to withstand that kind of pollution. And there isn’t a Whole Foods grocery store in the entire country.
Why: Tea-Partiers love the USA. And they won’t be happy until they have explored every single crevice of their blessed homeland. Why should they vacation anywhere else? It’s a fact that the USA is the best country in the world. There are so many places right within our borders to hunt, fish and protest Obamacare.
Where NOT to go: Outside of the USA. The rest of the world is overpopulated by Socialists, Muslims and people who don’t speak English.
Independents –> Almost Everywhere
Why: Yes, Independents can go almost anywhere in the world and feel comfortable. Since they’re not bound by restrictive political ideologies, they can enjoy places that the conservatives and liberals wouldn’t dare consider. Independents can enjoy a relaxing day at a Cuban beach or a great rooftop party in Beirut. Independents understand that politics is mostly a matter of opinion. And to them, it’s okay if people have varying ones.
Where NOT to go: Any place that is too polar or extreme, like a South American jail or vacation bible school in Mississippi.